what it's really all about

I've been MIA for a while here.  The largest reason has been because I have been trying to decide what this blog is to me and what I want it to become.  The other large reason...we moved, started new jobs, did a lot of renovating, traveling, and did I say started new jobs?  The last year has been a truly great one.  I love my job and finally feel like I'm in a real groove.

Over the last year, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the blog, but no actual blogging.  Which is unfortunate, because I designed this blog to be a place where I could hold myself accountable for living a healthy lifestyle.  I have kept a large part of my journey towards health very close to my heart.  I've never talked about it on here and would go as far as to say that many of my friends and some family might not even have a clue what I've been going through.

The last few years of my life have been challenging.  I love my husband, family, friends, and of course Hazel, but unfortunately, my health has hindered my full potential for some time now.  I've told you that I'm insulin resistant, but the truth of the matter is finding out that I was insulin resistant was the end of a very long road.

In March of 2011, I was diagnosed with pseudotumor cerebri.  Meaning--my brain thought I had a brain tumor.  Crazy right?  There is no real rhyme or reason for it.  I was blacking out for several seconds when I would stand up from sitting or lying down.  Many times a day, I experienced extreme headache pains that medicine was not helping.  An eye doctor made me aware of my intracranial pressure and partial vision loss.  I immediately saw a neurologist for a spinal tap.

I wish I could say that the spinal tap fixed all of my problems.  It did restore my vision.  For the next year, I was unusually tired, sleeping all of the time.  I gained weight with no real lifestyle changes.  The medication I was taking for my intracranial pressure is powerful and had nauseating side effects.  I was gaining weight, and was unable to lose it.  It was frustrating.  I tried so many different weight-loss programs and dieting plans--nothing was working.  It was disheartening and wore on me emotionally.

In January of 2012, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, or PCOS.  Suddenly, all of my medical issues made sense!  Gaining weight and not being able to lose it? PCOS.  Unusual tiredness? PCOS.  Anxiety and depression? PCOS.  The answer was simple,-- medication, diet, and exercise.  Once I discovered I had PCOS, I was recommended to see an endocrinologist.  She has been absolutely wonderful.  She informed me that I was insulin resistant (pre-diabetic.)  Again, the answer was simple, -- medication, diet, and exercise.   

For so long my pseudotumor cerebri, PCOS, and insulin resistance were the cause of my unhappiness.  Even with medication, diet, and exercise, I haven't always seen results.  I have still had moments of weakness (my poor husband and parents!).  For a while I was really angry about it.  Constantly asking God, why me?  Why do I have to deal with this?  Why do I have to think about everything I do and eat all the time in relation to my health?

I finally got my answer from God.... He simply said, "You don't."  And He's right.

He's already overcome it.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you many have peace. In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

I have finally come to see the purpose in it all.  Fortunately, my medical issues do not define me.  They are not who I am, and they are not who I have to be.  There has been a much bigger purpose laid on my heart, and I intend to pursue it.

Hopefully there are some people out there that can identify with all of this.  Of course I've never been alone in all of this, I have a great support system!  But I’m finally in a place where I can choose joy every single day.  I will continue to fight these difficulties, and there will still be hard times, but I’m going to be doing it from a place of joy.  I will no longer allow these struggles to rob me of my joyfulness.

Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.