I've
been MIA for a while here. The largest reason has been because I have
been trying to decide what this blog is to me and what I want it to become.
The other large reason...we moved, started new jobs, did a lot of
renovating, traveling, and did I say started new jobs? The last year has
been a truly great one. I love my job and finally feel like I'm in a real
groove.
Over
the last year, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the blog, but no
actual blogging. Which is unfortunate, because I designed this blog to be
a place where I could hold myself accountable for living a healthy lifestyle.
I have kept a large part of my journey towards health very close to my
heart. I've never talked about it on here and would go as far as
to say that many of my friends and some family might not even have a clue what
I've been going through.
The
last few years of my life have been challenging. I love my husband, family, friends, and of
course Hazel, but unfortunately, my health has hindered my full potential for
some time now. I've told you that I'm insulin resistant, but the truth of
the matter is finding out that I was insulin resistant was the end of a very
long road.
In
March of 2011, I was diagnosed with pseudotumor cerebri. Meaning--my brain
thought I had a brain tumor. Crazy right? There is no real rhyme or
reason for it. I was blacking out for several seconds when I would stand
up from sitting or lying down. Many times a day, I experienced extreme
headache pains that medicine was not helping. An eye doctor made me aware
of my intracranial pressure and partial vision loss. I
immediately saw a neurologist for a spinal tap.
I
wish I could say that the spinal tap fixed all of my problems. It did
restore my vision. For the next year, I was unusually tired, sleeping all
of the time. I gained weight with no real lifestyle changes. The medication
I was taking for my intracranial pressure is powerful and had nauseating side
effects. I was gaining weight, and was unable to lose it. It was
frustrating. I tried so many different weight-loss programs and dieting
plans--nothing was working. It was
disheartening and wore on me emotionally.
In
January of 2012, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome, or
PCOS. Suddenly, all of my medical issues made sense! Gaining weight
and not being able to lose it? PCOS. Unusual tiredness? PCOS.
Anxiety and depression? PCOS. The answer was simple,--
medication, diet, and exercise. Once I discovered I had PCOS, I was
recommended to see an endocrinologist. She has been absolutely wonderful.
She informed me that I was insulin resistant (pre-diabetic.) Again,
the answer was simple, -- medication, diet, and exercise.
For
so long my pseudotumor cerebri, PCOS, and insulin resistance were the cause of
my unhappiness. Even with medication, diet, and exercise, I haven't
always seen results. I have still had moments of weakness (my poor
husband and parents!). For a while I was really angry about it.
Constantly asking God, why me? Why do I have to deal with this?
Why do I have to think about everything I do and eat all the time in
relation to my health?
I
finally got my answer from God.... He simply said, "You don't."
And He's right.
He's
already overcome it.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you many have
peace. In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
I
have finally come to see the purpose in it all. Fortunately, my medical
issues do not define me. They are not who I am, and they are not who I
have to be. There has been a much bigger purpose laid on my heart, and I
intend to pursue it.
Hopefully
there are some people out there that can identify with all of this. Of
course I've never been alone in all of this, I have a great support system!
But I’m finally in a place where I can choose joy every single day. I will continue to fight these difficulties,
and there will still be hard times, but I’m going to be doing it from a place
of joy. I will no longer allow these
struggles to rob me of my joyfulness.
Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be
constant in prayer.
